:the state of being a mother. It makes your stronger, it gives you a true sense of worth and purpose, it shifts your priorities, amongst many other changes.
You see moms everyday in their element taking care of their babies and making it look effortless. TV, social media, movies and a ton of other entertainment sources will have you thinking you can birth a baby and bounce back to normal just like that. What I've come to realize is that you never bounce back, its no back to normal you just start to relearn, approach and embrace your new life. You go through more shadow work while trying to rediscover or should I say reidentify yourself now in the image and spirit of being a mommy. Your days are longer, your mornings are earlier but what is true is that they are filled with so much more love, joy and purpose !
As I'm rediscovering my identity as a Mommy, trusting in God with everything new while trying to remain gentle and extend myself grace has honestly been one of my biggest challenges. I was comfortable with who I was becoming. The discipline and growth I seen in myself was admirable and made me proud. The key word I realize while writing this is that I got COMFORTABLE not realizing that God could take me even higher! He can actually fulfill all my hearts desires and rewrite my story. Reflecting back on that comfortability I see how I was resisting the power in letting go. Letting go of everything I thought gave me my identity while holding myself back by not surrendering and walking into what's all new to me. I've grown so much to love, respect and honor myself and my story thus far. The good and the bad but it comes a time where you have to leave the past behind you in order to fully embrace what God has in store for your future.
As Erykah Badu- Bag Lady goes...
"Bag lady you goin' hurt your back
Draggin' all 'em bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you"
Its been hard releasing the strong hold my past identity has had on me. Realizing how much of me was wrapped up in fear, trauma, family and the low vibrational energy of not respecting my boundaries with the people closest to me. My soft accountability with self is now realizing that I can't fix everything and make everyone comfortable. I have to take this shift one day at a time and learn the essence of balance and the importance of movement. I have to unlearn the practice of putting Ashley the...daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, cousin, friend, and so on ahead of Ashley the...daughter of the ALL MIGHTY KING, Lily's MOTHER and the WOMAN I'm becoming before everything else, because that's the identity I've been called to walk into.
My new identity, the one I am discovering, learning and trying to embrace is the one that was birthed with Lily! Yet another rebirth took place when she was born and as a woman I stepped into Motherhood. On 3/12/22 not only did I birth my baby but I birthed myself as a mother, born again as a mother with a brand new identity to explore. Learning that just like there are challenges and learning curves with sleep, feeding and gassy stomachs there are also challenges and learning curves with letting go of the past, resisting/welcoming change, learning to welcome and expressing the need for help/support and changes in the dynamics of my relationships. Realizing it takes a village to raise a child and support a mother.
So where am I now? I'm present, being the best I can be during this beautifully challenging shift of identity.
Our mornings are always filled with joy! We wake, Thank God and pray that he keeps us in alignment, protects all of our brothers and sisters and helps us to keep our hearts pure.
This is ME! Ashley, Lily's Mommy!
Committed to the journey of continued self work knowing that as I work on self it pours a better version of me into my daughter. She is my legacy and together we will be HAPPY, HEALTHY AND WHOLE (This was my prayer to God every morning while pregnant).