I am never ungrateful for the many blessings God has given me. Life is so precious and full of surprises! There is no such thing as a perfect life, not even celebrities have it great or easy. Be appreciative of the JOURNEY you have been blessed with.
It wasn't easy growing up being the oldest and ONLY girl. With divorced parents, father remarried with another child, you can imagine some of the difficult family dynamics. I did not have the best relationship with my father whom I lived with. As his ONLY daughter, you would like to think I would be treated as the "Apple Of His Eye", right? Well, I was treated more like the black sheep.
To my males that are reading this please understand why a lot of women act the way they do! There was a lack of male figures in her life that taught her to be the Queen she is. Understand, the role of being in a male's life is just as important for a female and if not acknowledged the cycle will continue with single parent homes.
I didn't always agree with his parenting style growing up. However, as an adult I now appreciate what he believed "parenting" was. Since coming into womanhood we have been able to have healing conversations and in them I don’t feel belittled. I walk my walk with no regrets in life.
I was able to appreciate my SOULO JOURNEY at the age of 30. When people say 30 hits differently, I finally was able to understand what it meant. At the age of 30, life took its course. I purchased my 1st car at 30 and a few months later my grandfather passed away who was my best friend, my everything! At 30, I had to step in to help plan his funeral because I had more insight into how he wanted things done. My grandfather was well known in South Jersey and had over 1,000 people who attended his funeral. During his viewing, I had to stand by his casket, beside my father, shake people’s hand and put aside my emotion. The day of the funeral I exploded! It felt as if I couldn’t control my emotions.
After the funeral, it was right back to business mode, guiding everyone on what to do and showing up for everyone BUT myself. My grandmother started to lean on me more, she looked to me as a replacement for her husband which was stressful and overwhelming. Some family stepped in to assist her however, everyone was still looking for Chassidy to do it all. The family relationships started to change. Folks started to release their anger out on me because of the hurt of losing our grandfather. Everyone was pushing each other away and arguments were happening more often. The real SOULO Journey was soon to begin for me.
I had been living in my place for 7 years (2yrs w/ my brother), the place my grandparents blessed me with when I felt the shift taking place. Around Dec 11 (close to my grandfather’s birthday), I packed all my stuff up and moved across the bridge to Pennsylvania. No one assisted me, my brother offered but I refused help from anyone. I did it SOULO! This was for ME, MY time to reflect on life and finally live on my own. All my life I've had friends living with me. I was finally ready to experience my SOULO JOURNEY. I was ready to open my heart, my mind, and my soul to my Lord. I have never felt so FREE since the move.
I am finally able to find Chassidy! I am finally able to live for MYSELF. God has truly blessed me. Every day I look forward to what God has in store for me. My favorite scripture is: Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy path.” Remember you are not in this walk alone!